We’ve all read the traditional obituaries packed with the names, places, people, and career highlights that define a person’s life. And while these examples should make it easy to put pen to paper, when we’re called on to write an obituary, they can often complicate an already emotionally charged situation.
Are these the right words to summarize a life? Should those details—the relatives and hometowns and employers—be the perfect words to have live on in print and online?
Do we get a sense of their personality? Do we understand what the deceased meant to those who loved them? Should it be a list of accomplishments? Or should it be about how they impacted your life? How do you want your loved one’s legacy remembered in print and online?
At Sunset, we know there’s so much more to someone’s life than where they went to school and what they did for a living.
Here’s how to make your loved one’s obituary a true reflection of the kind of person they were.
Start Here: What's the Right Tone?
First things first: abandon any of your preconceived notions of what obituaries should be and, instead, think about how the way your loved one lived his or her life. Were they bold and adventurous? Poetic and reserved? The life of the party? Boisterous and funny? A straight shooter and committed traditionalist?
Take some time to reflect on your loved one’s life and how they would want to be remembered. If they provided you with any direction before their death, be sure to incorporate that into the obituary. If not, focus on your memories and time spent together, and work to bring their most authentic self to the forefront.
Next: Format
If you decide to go the traditional route, dig into the “highlights reel” of this person’s life. Mention the people who meant the most to your loved one. Write about their lifelong passions, career paths, and places they called “home.” The format goes like this:
- Name, date of death, plus hometown and cause of death, if appropriate.
- Date and place of birth, siblings, parents, spouse(s), career highlights, military services, and notable achievements.
- Immediate surviving family members (feel free to include pets!) as well as those your loved one was predeceased by.
- Information on the wake, funeral service, or other memorials. Here you can include donation requests or directives made by or on behalf of the deceased.
Veering off the traditional path? Anything goes!
The average obituary word count is between 180 to 220 words. It can include anything from a poem to a short story about the deceased. It can be a lively anecdote that sums up your loved one’s life. Remember, this is a reflection of his or her legacy, so make it as personal and memorable as you can.
Look for Inspiration
Search online for examples of obituaries from the traditional to the wildly unexpected. Sites like Legacy.com offer a variety of obituaries you can read for inspiration. Compare yours to the ones you read. Have you taken yours too far? Or could you push the envelope a bit more?
For further inspiration, read “Pink” Mullaney’s obituary. This one reminds readers never to throw away old pantyhose. And that keeping a chicken sandwich nearby during church services just makes sense.
Looking for a more sentimental tie? One of the most beautiful obituaries in recent years came from Musician Lou Reed’s wife. She wrote, “He died on Sunday morning looking at the trees and doing the famous 21 forms of tai chi with just his musician hands moving through the air.”
These clear, simple, and touching words quickly went viral online. Reed’s obituary offered comfort to his fans, friends, and family who could picture him leaving this life just as he lived it.
Only you know the perfect words, tone, and approach to celebrate your loved one’s life. Take that knowledge and insight and run with it.
Who Knows You Best?
Write your own! It’s becoming more common for people to write their own obituaries,
Writing your own take on your legacy ensures it will reflect your life in the tone and words you prefer. It also provides great peace of mind.
Ninety-one-year-old Joseph Pohlod simply wrote, “Do not grieve for me. Be happy that after ninety-one years, I have fought the fight, run the race, and reached the finish line. I will be waiting for all of you.” A beautiful message for his friends and family.
Another approach? Humor. In 2006, “Fred” reminded his loved ones that “He had a life-long love affair with bacon, butter, cigars, and bourbon…” His directive following his death? “Fred asks that you make a sizable purchase at your local ABC store or Virginia winery (please, nothing French)…” Consider this a final toast to another life well lived.
Regardless of your approach, obituaries are deeply personal pieces that live on. Because of that, they deserve tremendous care and consideration when crafted.
There is No Right or Wrong
With that in mind, there’s no right or wrong way to write an obituary, whether it’s for a loved one or, even, for yourself. Consider the nature of the person you’re writing about. And focus on bringing his or her spirit to life. By achieving that, you’ve honored them in a truly powerful way—and that’s always the perfect obituary.
by Carrie Phelps, Sunset Blog Contributor
Need more help? Check out our Obituary Writer here.
Sunset Funeral Home Cremation Center & Cemetery in Evansville can help you through every step of the end-of-life process. Contact us for more information about cremation, funeral home, or cemetery services in Evansville, Indiana.
