How to Announce a Death on Social Media

Social media is where we share our joy, accomplishments, grief, and loss. How we mourn and remember our loved ones has evolved into our online spaces, where we routinely share pieces of our lives with others. “As we increasingly live online, it’s only natural that we grieve online as well,” says Dr. Carla Sofka, professor of Social Work at Siena College and co-editor of “Dying, Death, and Grief in an Online Universe.”

This guide will help you navigate how to announce a death on social media. For more on how etiquette and social media can work together, check out this article in our blog.

Announcing a Death on Social Media

Approach announcing a death on Facebook or another online platform with the right tone, respect, and tact. Consider the experience of Sheryl Sandberg, former COO of Facebook. When her husband, David Goldberg, unexpectedly passed away in 2015, she took to Facebook to share her grief and pain. Her post (read it here: https://bit.ly/3qIkV0M) conveyed transparency, evoked empathy, and demonstrated the power of respectfully sharing grief online. Consider these six steps when you announce a death online:

1. CONFIRM WITH IMMEDIATE FAMILY: Wait for the family to officially announce the person’s death before making any comments or posts. If you are a family member posting, make sure you inform as many close family members and friends as possible before you post to give them the space to process the information in private.
2. TIMING IS KEY: Give yourself and your immediate family enough time to process the loss before sharing the news publicly. Elaine Kasket, psychologist and author of “All the Ghosts in the Machine: The Digital Afterlife of Your Personal Data,” says, “Give people time to absorb the news privately before they see others discussing it publicly.” Social activist Tamanna Miah agrees in “A guide to Facebook etiquette” by Rachel Thompson in Mashable. Miah found out via Facebook that her best friend had died. “It was awful waking up to it first thing, seeing the news on there, and seeing people bombard his Facebook and Twitter with comments, photos, and messages.”
3. BE MINDFUL OF PRIVACY: When Claire Bellerjeau, an author and historian from New York, posted about the death of a close friend, she remained mindful of how much personal information she shared. “I felt it was important to honor my friend’s life without revealing too much private information. I shared about her life, her kindness, and how much we’ll miss her, but avoided mentioning any intimate details.” Grief management specialist Darcie Sims says, “Remember that once something reaches the internet, it stays there. Respect the privacy of the deceased and their family.”
4. DRAFT A SENSITIVE, RESPECTFUL POST: Sandberg’s death announcement conveyed respect, consideration, and empathy. Sheryl reflected on the profound loss she and her children felt, as well as their wonderful memories of David, and what it is like to live in their new reality.
5. INVITE CONDOLENCES: Invite people to share their memories, condolences, or thoughts. Doing so creates a sense of community in the grieving process, making the ordeal less isolating. “One of the things my favorite author and speaker, David Kessler, says is that people need to witness grief for it to heal,” says Liz Kelly, LCSW, a therapist at Talkspace. “When we post on Instagram or Facebook about our loved ones who died, we allow other people to witness our grief.”
6. MONITOR THE POST: People will react and respond in different ways. Prepare yourself to handle inappropriate comments and express gratitude to those who offer their condolences.

Our digital presence has become an extension of our lives and continues even after we’re gone. Social media can serve as a powerful tool to notify others of the death of a loved one and to commemorate their life.

“I have learned that I never really knew what to say to others…I think I got this all wrong before; I tried to assure people that it would be okay, thinking that hope offered the most comfort I could provide,” wrote Sandberg after her husband’s death. She continued, “Real empathy sometimes means not insisting that it will be okay but acknowledging that it is not.”