Mother’s Day brings mixed emotions for those who have lost a mom or other maternal figure. The holiday’s cheerful marketing, social media celebrations, and family gatherings can intensify grief, making an already difficult day even harder. If you’re facing Mother’s Day without your mom this year, know you’re not alone.
Understanding Your Grief on Mother's Day
Mothers often hold a special place in our hearts. They typically nurture, raise, and support us as we navigate the world. When they die, you might find yourself missing the safety, security, and unconditional love they provided.
Dr. Meghan Riordan Jarvis, a clinical psychotherapist specializing in trauma, grief, and loss, explains that while Mother’s Day was initially established to honor someone whose mother had died, “we’ve morphed it into taking our mothers to brunch.” This commercialization can make the holiday particularly difficult for those experiencing loss.
Grief is an ongoing process and can manifest emotionally, physically, spiritually, and socially, says Eugene Dufour, a bereavement and trauma therapist. “When it feels like the worst parts of grieving are over, it’s normal to get triggered or experience difficult emotions on significant days like Mother’s Day.”
Honor Her Memory, Your Way
There is no “right way” to handle Mother’s Day after loss. Some find comfort in celebrating their mother’s legacy, while others need quiet space away from reminders. Whatever your situation and however you feel, listen to your heart and spend the day according to what feels right. Grief is an intensely individual experience. Consider these suggestions:
- Light a candle: A simple act of memorialization, like lighting a candle in her memory.
- Visit a meaningful place: Go to her favorite park, restaurant, or her final resting place.
- Cook her signature recipe: Prepare a dish she loved or taught you to make.
- Plant flowers: Create a living memorial that will bloom each year.
Express Your Feelings
Sometimes, expressing our feelings on paper can help us process the complex emotions we’re experiencing. Writing a letter to your mother may feel unusual. Still, it can validate your feelings and make you feel closer to her, even though she’s no longer physically present.
Remember the Joy
If you have photos of your mom, it might be a nice time to look through them and remember the happy times you spent together. You might like to do this alone or get together with other family members who also loved your mom.
Sharing funny stories, watching her favorite movie, or listening to music she enjoyed can celebrate the love that remains. These moments of joy don’t diminish your loss—they honor the relationship you shared.
Caring for Yourself
Set Boundaries
If you are struggling with the thought of Mother’s Day, you could ignore it completely. It doesn’t have to continue being a special day for you; it might have been enough that you celebrated while she was alive.
Consider taking a break from social media, declining invitations if they feel overwhelming, and structuring the day to provide comfort rather than additional stress.
Be Kind to Yourself
Don’t place yourself under too much pressure to be “OK.” Emotions come and go, like waves that can wash over us and seem overwhelming. Allow yourself to feel and experience your grief, and know that in time, the waves will eventually recede.
Find Community
Grief can be very isolating, but other people around you are likely trying to cope with similar feelings, too. Try talking about the person who has died with others, lighting a candle in their memory, or doing something with a loved one that reminds you of them.
When you are grieving, you may find comfort in talking to others in a similar position. This could be a friend who has been bereaved, or you could consider joining a support group where you’ll find others experiencing similar feelings.
Remember that honoring your mother can include both tears and laughter. Share funny stories, look through old photos, or watch her favorite movie. These moments of joy don’t diminish your loss—they celebrate the love that remains. Whether you choose to celebrate her legacy or take quiet space for yourself, your grief journey is valid and deserves care and compassion—especially on days that highlight your loss.
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